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Banovelmouth, chapter 4: Girlfriends (Part One) [Aug. 27th, 2010|10:10 am]
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[Current Location |Montreal, Canada]
[music |washing machine]

I have evidence that someone is actually reading this novel, so I'm posting Chapter 4!
It will be posted in 2 parts.

Chapter Four: Girlfriends

Satellite Ears and I were sitting outside on our front lawn one morning, in some new wooden red lounge chairs that we had just bought.  It had been a few days since Not a blue woman and Valerie had moved out of our house.

            “I think we should get something for our lawn besides the ketchup sculpture,” said Satellite Ears.  “Maybe a gnome or something.”

            “If we’re putting decorations on our lawn, maybe we can get some pink plastic flamingoes instead,” I said.  “I read in the newspaper that gnome thefts have been going up lately.”


  “Hey, I wonder how Not a blue woman is doing,” Satellite Ears said.  “I wonder if he and Valerie are all settled down in their new house yet.”

            “Hey!” I said.  “Let’s phone Not a blue woman and see how he’s doing!”

            I went inside and dialed Not a blue woman’s new phone number.  Valerie answered the phone.

            “Hi, Bananamouth,” said Valerie.

            “Is Not a blue woman there?” I asked Valerie.

            “He’s at work, actually,” said Valerie.

            “Oh,” I said.  “How are things going for you guys?”

            “Just great!” said Valerie.  “Apart from a little incident last night where I was nearly caught by the police in my job as a getaway driver.”

            “Oh no!” I said.  “Well, at least you weren’t caught.  How is your new house?”

            “Oh, it’s quite nice,” Valerie said.  “We found a nice little bungalow.  It’s just the right size for the two of us.”

            “What furniture do you have there?” I asked.

            “Well, our double bed, of course,” said Valerie.  “We decided to put it in the bedroom instead of on the lawn, though.” She laughed.

            “Did you buy any new furniture for your house?” I asked.

            “Yes, we did.  We bought a nice couch – a simple brown couch.  We also bought a very small dining table with a checkered pattern on it, and two wooden dining chairs.  We also got a bookcase and a nice red stuffed chair, and a small Smustle Machine radio.  We set up the piano and the easel in the living room.”

            “That’s great!” I said.  “How has Not a blue woman been?”

            “He got promoted yesterday!” said Valerie.

            “Good!” I said.  “What’s his new job now?”

            “He’s working as a con artist now.  He works every day except Tuesday and Wednesday, from 9 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon.”

            “Oh, I see,” I said.  “How does he like it?”

            “He seems to be enjoying it.  It would be nice if Not a blue woman could work as a bank robber or a cat burglar.  Then maybe I could be his getaway driver.”

            “If he keeps working hard, I’m sure he’ll get promoted eventually,” I said.

            “So, how have you and Satellite Ears been?” said Valerie.

            “Pretty good.  Nothing really unusual’s been going on here.  We bought some nice red lounge chairs and put them out in the front yard.”

            “That sounds nice,” said Valerie.

            “Is Not a blue woman still painting?” I asked.

            “Oh, yes he is.  He’s started a nice still-life painting recently.”

            “Is he still playing the piano?”

            “Oh yes.  Sometimes, I have a hard time dragging him away from it!”

            “Well, I’d better get going now,” I said.  “It sounds like you and Not a blue woman are enjoying your new home.”

            “Yes, we sure are!” said Valerie.  “You should come over sometime.  Goodbye.”


            I went back out to the front lawn where Satellite Ears was still sitting in one of the lounge chairs, and told him about my conversation with Valerie.


            A few days later, I was promoted from Lab Assistant to field researcher!  I was really happy.  My boss informed me that I would get to go to various locations and participate in research projects.  I would have Wednesday and Friday off.

            I got home and decided to invite Not a blue woman over.  I phoned him, and he arrived several minutes later.

            “Guess what?” I said.  “I got promoted!  I’m a field researcher now!”

            “That’s wonderful!” said Not a blue woman.

            “I was talking to Valerie on the phone the other day,” I said.  “She seems happy in your new house.”

            “Yes,” said Not a blue woman.  “I really hope we can have a nice life together.”

            “Would you like some hamburgers for supper?” I asked.


            I made some hamburgers on the stove, while Not a blue woman talked to Satellite Ears in the backyard.  They were having a conversation about elephants when I called them to dinner.

            We all sat outside at the dining table.  Not a blue woman was talking about how much he loved Valerie.

            “Someday I’d like to ask her to marry me,” said Not a blue woman.

            “That’d be nice,” I said.

            “She’s such a nice woman, and you’re lucky to have her,” said Satellite Ears.  “I kind of wish I had a girlfriend.”

            “Maybe you can go and meet some people at a store or a restaurant downtown,” Not a blue woman suggested.  “Remember, most townsfolk are single.”

            “Just don’t hit on any teenagers by mistake,” I said, and we all laughed.



            One night, Satellite Ears and I both had the night off.

            “I’ve read just about all the novels in our bookcase,” said Satellite Ears.  “And I’m a little tired of pinball at the moment.  What should I do tonight?”

            “I heard that there’s a pretty neat disco in town,” I said.  “How about we go there?”

            “That’s a good idea,” said Satellite Ears.  “Where is this disco?”

            “I don’t know,” I said.  “But we can just phone the taxi and I’m sure that the taxi driver will know where the disco is.”

            We phoned the taxi, and were driven to the Veronaville Disco, a large blue building with lots of lights on the outside.  We went inside.  The entrance halls had fancy mirrors on the walls.  Inside there was a dance floor and a bar area.

            “How about we get some juice at the bar before we go dancing?” I suggested.

            “You can order some juice.  I’d like to go and dance!” said Satellite Ears.  He went over to the dance floor.  The dance floor had bright blue tiles on the floor and some fancy moving coloured lights on the ceiling.  Lots of people were dancing to the music.  Satellite Ears was soon dancing with them.

            I went up to the counter in the bar.  “What kinds of juice do you have?” I asked the bartender.

            “I can get you a menu of all our fine juices,” said the bartender.  She gave me a menu that listed all the juice types.  I decided to order a Super Banana Booster drink.

            I sat down at a table in the bar area enjoying my drink.  A man sat down with me and told me his name was Jonathan Ternynck.  He had green eyes and short brown hair, and was wearing a gray striped suit over a white shirt and dark red tie.  We talked for a while. I told him that I had come here with my brother.  He asked what kind of drink I was drinking.  We discovered that we were both interested in science and chess, so we talked about those subjects for quite some time.

            After a while I had finished my drink and I wanted to go home.  I didn’t feel like dancing on the dance floor, because I was too tired.  Satellite Ears was still on the dance floor, so I called him over.

            “I think we should phone the taxi for home now,” I said.

            “Aww, so soon?” said Satellite Ears.  “But I’m having a great time!”

            “Well, I’m getting tired, and I think we should go home now,” I said.

            “Oh, okay,” said Satellite Ears.  We called a taxi and went home.

            When we arrived at home, we discussed our time at the disco.

            “I ordered a drink,” I said.  “It was quite nice.  I met a guy named Jonathan.”

            “I had a great time!” said Satellite Ears.  “I met so many new people, and I had a lot of fun dancing.  I’d love to go back there someday.”


            The next morning, I saw Satellite Ears outside with Celeste Rossi, the mail lady.  A few minutes later, the mail lady continued her mail route, and Satellite Ears came inside.

            “Were you flirting with the mail lady?” I teased him.

            “No!” he laughed.  “We were just talking.  I was telling her about the disco and stuff.  She was collecting our bills, which I’d put in the mailbox yesterday.”

            “I’ll be going in to work shortly,” I said.  “What will you be up to today?

            “I don’t have work today, so I think I’ll stay home and talk on the phone with the people I met at the disco last night.”

            “That sounds like a good idea,” I said.  “Oh, there’s my carpool coming right now.  See you later.”

            When I got home from my day in the field, Satellite Ears was still on the phone, talking to his new friends that he’d met at the disco.


            That Saturday, when I got home from work, Satellite Ears got a phone call from Not a blue woman.  I could hear Satellite Ears’s end of the conversation.  “Hi, Not a blue woman!  How’s it going…  Oh, you do?...  Oh, WOW!  That’s great!...It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m sure you guys are up to it!...Okay, bye.”

            “So, how are things going with Not a blue woman?” I asked Satellite Ears when he had hung up the phone.

            “Some good news,” said Satellite Ears.  “Valerie is going to have a baby!”

            “That’s wonderful!” I exclaimed.

            “I hope they’ll do okay,” said Satellite Ears.  “I heard pregnancy can be difficult.  I heard that pregnant women can get very hungry very easily, and some of them pass out easily.”

            “Yes, I know,” I said.  “At least Valerie will be able to get some time off work now.”

            “I guess it’s a good thing that they got that double bed!” said Satellite Ears.

            Satellite Ears and I sat on our couch for a while and watched the cooking channel.  During a commercial, I said to Satellite Ears, “Maybe sometime you can invite one of your new friends over to our house.”

            “That is a nice idea,” said Satellite Ears, “though I don’t know if I know any of them well enough yet to be able to invite them over.  But I suppose I could try.”

            On Sunday evening, Satellite Ears phoned up some more of the people that he had met at the disco.  After a while, he got off the phone.

            “I’ve invited someone over,” said Satellite Ears.

            “Oh, that’s good,” I said.  “Who did you invite?”

            “A woman named Regina Tsvirkunov,” said Satellite Ears.  “I met her at the disco.  She seemed really nice.”

            A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.  Satellite Ears went to answer it.

            Regina Tsvirkunov came in.  She had long brown hair and dark blue eyes.  Her skin was a bit lighter than Satellite Ears’s skin.  Her hair was done up in a fancy style with a braid going around the back.  She was wearing a green dress with a white collar and white flowers on it, and around her neck she had a gold necklace with a small round green charm on it.  As soon as she came inside, she gravitated towards the pinball machine and started playing with it.

            “I’ll go make something for dinner,” said Satellite Ears.  “How about some macaroni and cheese?  How does that sound?”

            “That sounds good,” said Regina.  She was still playing at the pinball machine.

            Regina and Satellite Ears and I all sat down at the table to eat our macaroni and cheese.  We discussed our interests.  Regina told us that she really liked romantic men and going out on dates with them.

            After supper, I brought the dishes to the kitchen sink and washed them.  I then went out into the backyard and found Satellite Ears and Regina out there.  They were flirting with each other.  “Wow,” I thought to myself, “this friendship sure is progressing rapidly!”

            All of us went inside and danced the Smustle to the radio for a while.  Then it was getting late, so Regina went back home.

            “Wow, she’s quite a woman,” said Satellite Ears after Regina had gone home.  “She sure does enjoy flirting!”

            “Well, I guess that she’s quite a romantic type,” I said.

            “I really hope I can ask her out on a date sometime soon!” said Satellite Ears.  “She did say that she liked going out on dates.”

            “Yeah, but only with romantic men,” I teased.  “So I guess that leaves you out.”

            “Hey!” said Satellite Ears.  “At least she’d probably find me more romantic than a guy who has a mouth shaped like a banana!”  We playfully pretended to hit each other.


            One day, Satellite Ears came home from his emergency medical technician job.  He found me cooking some grilled cheese sandwiches in the kitchen.

            “Bananamouth, I’ve been promoted!” he said.  “Now I’ll be working as a paramedic.”

            “Oh, that’s cool!” I said.  “What are your working hours for your new job?”

            “I’ll be working the night shift,” said Satellite Ears.  “I’ll now be working from 8 at night to 2 in the morning, and I’ll be working on weekends, but I will be getting Wednesdays and Fridays off work.  I’ll also be taking several courses at the medical school.  Wow, it’s going to be rough.”

            “Oh, I’m sure you’ll be up to the challenge,” I said.

            “I hope I’ll have some free time!” said Satellite Ears.

            “I’m sure you can make some free time for yourself,” I said.

            “As soon as I have some free time, I’m going to phone Regina and ask her out on a date!” Satellite Ears exclaimed.

            “Are you sure she’ll agree to it?” I asked.

            “Well, at least, I hope so,” said Satellite Ears.

            “I guess you’ll need to do a lot of studying for this job, and for your school work,” I said.

            “Oh yes!” said Satellite Ears.  “A lot of studying.  I’ll need to study cleaning, especially.  I’ve been a bit slack on that.  And I’ve been told I should know a lot about machines and mechanical things, so I should read up on that stuff too.  I might have to do a bit of ambulance maintenance and repair in my paramedic job.”


            A few days later, Satellite Ears finally got a bit of free time.  He was quite busy with his paramedic job and with studying, but he managed to find a few free hours one day.  He phoned Regina and asked her out on a date.

            “So, what did she say?” I asked.

            “She said that she would love to go out on a date with me!”

            “Hooray!” I said.  “Where will you two be going for your date today?”

            “We decided to go the disco again,” said Satellite Ears.  Regina will be walking over to our house first, and then we figured we’d take a taxi to the disco from here.”

            “That sounds like a good idea,” I said.

            A bit later, Regina arrived at our house, and she and Satellite Ears took a taxi to the disco.

            While Satellite Ears and Regina were out on their date at the disco, I decided to phone Not a blue woman to see how he was doing.

            I dialed Not a blue woman’s phone number.  “Hello, Not a blue woman,” I said.

            “Bananamouth!” said Not a blue woman.  “It’s nice to hear from you!  How are you?”

            “I’ve been doing pretty good,” I said.  “My field research job is very interesting.  I get to visit a lot of local places and do research and stuff like that.  Satellite Ears recently got promoted, and now he’s a paramedic, and he’s also going to medical school now.”

            “Wow, it sounds like he’s really busy!” said Not a blue woman.

            “He sure is!” I said.  “When he’s not out doing work-related things, he’s usually at home studying and studying.  Right now he’s out on a date with a woman that he met at the disco.”

            “Oh, that’s nice,” said Not a blue woman.

            “Speaking of dates,” I said, “how’s your girlfriend doing?”

            “Valerie’s okay at the moment,” said Not a blue woman, “though we did have quite a scare the other day.”

            “Oh, you did?”

            “Oh yes.  You see, Valerie’s always really hungry and really tired, as often happens to pregnant women.  The other day she was really tired, but she really needed to eat something, and she almost died on the way to the fridge.”

            “Oh no!” I said.  “What did you do about it?”

            “I went over to her.  She was lying on the floor, but she was not actually dead, only passed out.  I ran to the fridge, and quickly got out some gelatin, and I managed to wake her up and get her some gelatin.”

            “Oh, thank goodness,” I said.  “That must have been really scary for both of you.”

            “Indeed it was,” said Not a blue woman.  “Now we’re really careful and we make sure that she’s always had enough to eat, so hopefully that won’t be happening again.”

            “I guess she has time off work,” I said.

            “Yes, she does.”

            “Do you have any idea what you’re going to name the baby?”

            “I don’t know yet,” said Not a blue woman.  “Valerie and I haven’t really discussed it yet.”

            “Are you going to ask Valerie to marry you?” I said.

            “Oh, I will eventually,” said Not a blue woman.  “Right now we’re really busy with the pregnancy, and we’ll be busy with the baby after that, of course, so I probably won’t propose to her for a while.  But I definitely do plan to propose to her one of these days.”

            “I haven’t actually seen you since you moved out, Not a blue woman” I said.  “I guess you’ve been really busy.”

            “Yes,” said Not a blue woman.  “You and Satellite Ears are welcome to come over here at any time, of course.”

            “I’d love to go over there some time,” I said.  “I’m free during the evenings, so maybe some evening I can come over.”

            “That would be great!” said Not a blue woman.  “Well, I have to go now and cook a meal of some sort.  I don’t want Valerie to starve again.”

            “Okay, Not a blue woman.  I’ll see you later.”


            A few minutes later, a taxi appeared outside, and stopped at our house.  Satellite Ears got out.  I went out to the front lawn to greet him.

            “Hello, Bananamouth,” said Satellite Ears.

            “How was your date?” I asked him.

            “It went really well!” said Satellite Ears happily.  “We had a great time dancing and drinking juice.  And Regina is such a great kisser!”

            “That sounds really nice,” I said.

            “She’s really romantic,” said Satellite Ears.   “The only bad thing about our date is that I thought I caught Regina flirting with one of the waiters.   Oh well, maybe it just looked like that from where I was standing.  She does call me her boyfriend now, and she did tell me that she would be interested in going on more dates with me in the future.”

            “Excellent!” I said.  “Now you just need to find the time to go on dates.”

            “Yeah,” said Satellite Ears.  “Oh well, it might be hard to find free time, but I think it’ll be well worth it!”

            “I phoned Not a blue woman while you were gone,” I said.

            “Oh, what did he say?” asked Satellite Ears.  “How is he?”

            “He said that he and Valerie are doing quite well, and that we can come over any time,” I said.

            “That’s good,” said Satellite Ears.  “Well, I think I’m about to collapse from exhaustion, so I think I’ll just go straight to bed.  Good night.”  Satellite Ears went outside and got into bed.


            The next day, when I got home from work, I decided to visit Not a blue woman and Valerie over at their house.  It didn’t take long for me to walk over there.

            I arrived at their house and rang the doorbell.  Not a blue woman answered the door and let me in.

            “Nice to see you, Satellite Ears!” he said.

            I looked around at their living room.  There was a brown couch and a red stuffed chair in it.  There was a radio, which was tuned to the local rap station, and the piano and easel were in the living room too.  On the easel was a partially finished still-life painting of some rotten food.  There was a poster of a simple red and yellow abstract painting on one of the living room walls.

            “Would you like to see our kitchen?” asked Not a blue woman.

            “Sure,” I replied.

            Not a blue woman led me into the kitchen.  They had an orange fridge, some pink counters, and a black stove in the kitchen.  There was also a small black and white checkered dining table with two simple wooden dining chairs.

            “You have quite a nice house here,” I said.

            “Thanks,” said Not a blue woman.

            “Where’s Valerie?” I asked.

            “Oh, she’s in the bedroom, resting,” said Not a blue woman. “Would you like to see our backyard?”

            “Sure!” I said, and we went outside.  Not a blue woman had a yellow crib, a baby changing table with military patterns on it, and a garden gnome sculpture in his backyard.

            “I see that you have a gnome,” I said.  “Don’t those get stolen easily?”

            “Yes, they do,” said Not a blue woman.  “We’ve had ours stolen twice already.  But it’s actually not very hard to steal it right back.  It’s kind of fun, like a game.”  I laughed.

            Just then, we heard a sound coming from inside the house.  “What’s that?” I said.  We rushed into the kitchen.  We could hear Valerie moaning in the bedroom.

            “Oh my goodness, I think she’s about to have the baby!” said Not a blue woman.  He rushed into the bedroom.  I went into the living room and sat down on the couch.  I could hear Not a blue woman and Valerie talking in the bedroom.  A bit later, Not a blue woman called out to me from the bedroom.  “Come in here, Bananamouth!” he called.   “There’s something in here that we’d like you to see.”

            “I wonder what that could be,” I said as I walked over to the bedroom.

            I entered the bedroom.  Valerie was standing there, holding a tiny little newborn baby.  The baby had nothing but a diaper on.  Its skin was fairly dark, but not as dark as Valerie’s.  It was so cute!

            “Aww!” I said.  “Congratulations!  Is it a boy or a girl?”

            “A boy,” answered Valerie.  Not a blue woman stood beside Valerie, and she passed the baby to him.

            “I think we should get a bottle for this little guy,” said Not a blue woman.  He placed the baby carefully on the floor, and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of milk out of the fridge.  He got the bottle, went back to the bedroom, picked up the baby, and fed the baby.

            When the baby was finished feeding, Not a blue woman handed him to me.  I went outside and put the baby in his crib.

            I went inside and joined Valerie and Not a blue woman in the living room.

            “I just love our baby!” Valerie exclaimed happily.  “What a little miracle!”

            “What will you name the baby?” I asked Not a blue woman and Valerie.

            “Hmm….what will we name him?” said Not a blue woman.

            “How about Not a blue woman Junior?” Valerie joked.

            “Oh no, I don’t think I want to pass on my name,” said Not a blue woman.

            “But Not a blue woman Junior would be a perfect name for the baby,” said Valerie, “because our baby isn’t blue, and isn’t a woman!”

            Not a blue woman groaned.

            “How about Bananamouth Junior?” Valerie said, smiling at me.

            “I don’t think you want the baby’s mouth to end up looking like a banana,” I said.  Valerie laughed.

            “How about Roy?” Not a blue woman suggested.  “How does that sound?”

            “Sure!” said Valerie.  “How will we spell it, though?  R-O-Y is a little commonplace.  I like your family’s traditions of having unusual names, so maybe we can spell this name a little differently.”

            Not a blue woman said, “Why not spell it R-E-U-I-L, pronounced like ‘Roy’.”

            “That’s a great idea!” said Valerie.  “And since we’re not married, I guess that the baby will have my last name.”

            “Reuil Custer,” said Not a blue woman.  “What a nice name.”

            “I have to go home now,” I said.  “I’ll leave you guys to take care of little Reuil.  Congratulations again!”

            “Bye, Bananamouth,” said Valerie and Not a blue woman.